Sunday, November 21, 2010

Nothing really

We've been dry lately. Nothing in depth, I feel like there is something holding us back. I feel no different then anybody else. Surface answers. Am I doing the same? Am I also holding back? Why would I do that? There's no reason for me to do that. I need to work on that now. I never realized that. That's why this blog was a good idea. For no one but me. So that's what I'll do, let loose. And if that doesn't work, then I'll confront it more bluntly. But as for now, we'll just try this.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Mentally, Physically


Refreshed. I'm feelin' good! I'm pretty happy with life at the moment. I'm not a hundred percent positive why, but hey! Who cares? Thanksgiving is next week, 3 weeks after that is Christmas. I have the absolute best boyfriend in the world. He's so asdjlsdvhlsaebdgkawbelfisdi AWESOME. And! my feet are warm. What could be better?


Crappy. My chest hurts, (you know, on the insides) and I'm afraid if I move, my head will start pounding again. Which would SUCK! I keep coughing and such. And I got snot gallor!

Shouldn't your mental and physical state go hand and hand?
but then again if you were having a bad mental day, having a bad physical day would just be terrible.
So never mind, this post is pointless :P

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Yeah, cool, whatever.

Right, mhmm, super. Ugh. Thanks for telling me before I heard it through the grapevine I guess. It's not my fault you know. I'm not the one too busy for anything. I have and still would blow things off if I thought that you wouldn't just blow me off first. So yeah, cool, whatever.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Just frustrated.

Yeah. I'm frustrated. I just am. I just want to yell at somebody. But I can't do that. I'll have to take out my frustration elsewhere. hag/.ohmiazoualhnl;bgvair7t7wqop439uth;wero zadlfvhlszikjdfnb,sgzkjuhyfr.lgvsjzhdfbsjery45tskdjfgbv,szku7ryhglt7sw4swjugs yeah.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The summer that I turned 16, I had my Independence day.


Yeahh... anyways. Sorry 'bout that. Umm I didn't really have a point to make with this blog. I'm really a terrible blogger, I'm glad that no one reads this XD. Let's talk about the tabs I have open on my internet! Let's see, first one is Facebook. Of course. BTW the word "Facebook" does not have a red squiggly line under it, which is crazy I think. It's been adopted into the English language as a noun of some sort. I also use it as a verb sometimes also. But anyways. My next tab! Youtube (does have a squiggly line) has that house of heroes song open (the one that the title and first line of this blog refer to.) before that it was a song that is funny, "And love is the being the owner of the company that makes rape whistles and even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape but now you dont want the rate of rape to decline at all because if the rate of rape declines you'll see an equal decline in whistle sales. Without rape, who's gonna bye your whistle?" Funny song, two of the girls in guard use to sing it all the time, and I never listened to it. Now I did. It's funny. ( I pressed a button on here, and it changed the format. I'm a really bad blogger.)  Next tab, is this one. Next tab, Is SparkNotes on the Scarlet Letter. No, I'm not cheating, I'm using it to make sure I caught everything in the chapter. It's hard for me to read old English sometimes. I think it's pretty and all, it's just kind of hard to understand. I actually do like it though, some people hate it and I feel bad for them, because they're missing out on the big picture! It's good so far. Next tab, The Art Institute Culinary Program. I don't know where else I could go to school that would better prepare me for my coffee/ bakery then there. I mean, you get classes on not only food, like at other places, but business classes, and even a drink class! Which is awesome. I'm still going to look into other places. The problem is, I don't know what colleges have the classes I want. And i don't know how to figure it out. Which is a problem. But the AI scares me because they don't have on campus housing, so I would have to like, pay bills. Which kind of freaks me out. I don't know how to do that mess. I can't even get a job. But yeah. I guess I'll be done talking now. This was fun. =]

Saturday, October 16, 2010

My real finest hour

I need you 
More than ever 
Well I don't understand it 
I don't think I'll ever comprehend it 
It's so hard to conceive it 
So I guess I'll just believe it 
This will be my finest hour 
This will be my finest hour

Yeah, I didn't read the end of the song yesterday.  I have now.  I'm tired of feeling helpless, like I can't do anything to control my own life. But the thing is, I'm never going to be in control of my life, God is on control of my life. Whether I want him to be or not. And the sooner I learn to grasp that, the sooner I'm going to grow more in my faith.   Real growth, not just temporary growth. The not stuff that's there on good days and just leaves on bad days. The growth that's there everyday. So even on hard days I can remember to grow from it, to have it become my finest hour.

Friday, October 15, 2010

And this will be my finest hour.

Man, that's a great song.

The king of contradictions 
Strikes again 
You said the last to cross the finish line 
Will win 
And the beggars will be millionaires someday 
And the humble ones are gonna have their say 
Well all my friends are gone now 
And all my money's gone now 
And all my pride is gone now 
And if what you say is true now 
This will be my finest hour

I dont really have too much to say about it. Other then just yeah. 
I've been feeling kinda cut off from God lately, I haven't had any sort of desire to dig deeper. Every time i try to, I feel like i'm coming up empty. I never learn anything relevant to myself. Yeah, I dont know. I feel really small. That's all. I'm gonna keep trying, I haven't given up yet. Not yet. There is more.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Fields of Faith

PSAT was today. It was boring, as usual. Then the math partayy! The stupid other people didn't want to watch Clash of the Titans. Duumb. Then we went to a park. Then to Dylan's house. Then to Fields of Faith! That was pretty cool. Anytime you have that many believers in one place it's always going to be cool. God is a truly awesome guy. Now I should be doing APUSH homework... I guess I'll do it. Stupid.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


I went today. For a birthday/ good job on grades, kinda thing. It was fun, it was me, my mom, my brother, my Dylan, my Jessica, and my Emily. It was a blast. I got to sit in my dream car. Two door Jeep wrangler. Ohh baby that was nice. I also got a corny dog (the best ones of course), fried oreo ( it was soo good!) and i also had a bit of fried poptart (which was also good.) Bottom line, I love the state fair. Although some of the scents are not so great, and it's not cheep. I really do like it. It's great fun.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Now for the first LEGIT something.

This is slightly morbid. But that's okay. Here's what I've determined. You're always going to have problems, and you're always going to thing there's a solution for those problems. The solution you're thinking of, usually, you have to wait a while in the future to reach the solution. But the thing is, and the thing I've come to realize is that your so called "solution" has problems of it's own. Completely different problems, bigger problems in fact. The older you get the bigger the problems get. Until you're old enough to understand and want the big solution, the only real solution. And that would be to die. Now before you get me wrong, I'm not saying that i want to die or anything, in fact I cannot wait until I'm older and go to college and start my own business and all that jazz. I'm just saying. It's a true fact.
 And I've also realized that no one around my age really understands that. Even people that do kill themselves, because they think they understand that. They don't. If they understood that whole point, they would also be wise enough to understand that that is not the way to solve your problems.
Yeah, but that's enough about that. I'm getting off my point. My point is. That right now, in my life i thought I had found a solution. And it is a solution, a big one in fact, but one I have to wait for. I would have to wait a very long time. And although my solution seems heavenly in many ways. I know that that solution will come with many other problems. Different problems. Problems I wont be prepared for. Problems I wont even see coming.
But am I going to let all these new problems turn me off to my solution? No, I don't think so. I like the good parts of my solution. It out weighs the bad for me. I just want to be prepared for the unforeseen. Expect the unexpected, I guess you could say.
Now does this mean I should let my current problem lay? Let it build up until the time when the solution can be executed? Also, no. I need to stop being a retard, get off my butt, and attack it. Actually attack it. I want to attack it. I just don't know how. The one solution is all I see at the moment. I've been praying for a shorter term solution. One that I don't just have to sit around and wait for. And strength to help me in waiting for my long term. I don't like sitting around and waiting. I don't like it at all. Self control, that's what I need. I've got to keep remembering that. Praying for it. That's all.

These are my thoughts. Uncensored.

Uncensored. Yeah. That probably just means that I'm just writing for the heck of it. Not that it's bad or anything. It's just sometimes I just want to say things, and i know i shouldn't really say them out loud. So that is what this is going to be for. So no one will know about this. Not for a while anyway... There's also stuff that I may just want to remember in the future. I don't know. We'll just have to see where this leads to.